Joshua is a former U.S. military official who fled to the Foreign Legion when his wife Maria was killed by Muslim fundamentalists in Paris, and now he's a mercenary, fighting in the Yugoslav war on the Serbian side against Muslims.

Luz Garcia, a high school student in a forgotten Texas town, wants something different than the options awaiting her after graduation. She's earned a ticket out with admission to the University of Texas at Austin, but she can't afford to go. Her one shot is a scholarship for winning the State Powerlifting Championship. It's all or nothing for Luz...until nothing stares her in the face.

In first century Rome, two student friends, Encolpio and Ascilto, argue about ownership of the boy Gitone, divide their belongings and split up. The boy, allowed to choose who he goes with, chooses Ascilto. Only a sudden earthquake saves Encolpio from suicide. We follow Encolpio through a series of adventures, where he is eventually reunited with Ascilto, and which culminates in them helping a man kidnap a hermaphrodite demi-god from a temple. The god dies, and as punishment Encolpio becomes impotent. We then follow them in search of a cure. The film is loosely based on the book Satyricon by Gaius Petronius Arbiter, the "Arbiter of Elegance" in the court of Nero. The book has only survived in fragments, and the film reflects this by being very fragmentary itself, even stopping in mid-sentence.